Self-Knowledge
Desire Mapping
Most of us were never taught to identify what turns us on. We default to scripts from media or partners. This exercise gets you specific so you can ask for what you want - and recognize what you don't.
Your worksheet
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Step 1 of 5
List 10 specific turn-ons
Be concrete. Not 'foreplay' but 'slow kissing on the neck before anything else happens.' Not 'feeling close' but 'making eye contact while being touched.'
Step 2 of 5
List 10 turn-offs
Same rule - specific. 'Feeling rushed,' 'being told what to do,' 'sex right after an argument,' 'specific words.'
Step 3 of 5
Find the patterns
Look at both lists. Are turn-ons about feeling desired? Being in control? Out of control? Tenderness? Intensity? Patterns tell you about your erotic core.
Step 4 of 5
Identify one ask
From your turn-ons, pick ONE thing you'd like more of. Write the exact words you could use to ask for it.
Step 5 of 5
Identify one boundary
From your turn-offs, pick ONE thing you'd like less of. Write the exact words you could use to set that limit.
Things to remember
- Your turn-ons are not weird. They're yours.
- This is for you first. Sharing with a partner is optional.
- Lists evolve. Revisit every six months.
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